In response to a certain…printer who will not be named…we have decided as a group to write to all of you corporate types to set things straight.
Who are “we”? We are nation-sponsored hacking groups, black market code ninjas and other cyber-heroes (you call us criminals at your risk).
Look, things are GREAT right now. You guys collectively do nothing meaningful about hacking but you get to spend money, look like you’re achieving something and remain important and NEEDED. It is much like your American government, no?
For us, things have been great. We have better access to your data than ever before. I mean, we NEVER thought things would get this far. We foolishly thought that, after the first few billions of dollars, that CLEARLY somebody would attempt to stop us. Definitely, when those knuckleheads took out your entire Internet we thought we were in for it.
Thankfully we were wrong. And business is GREAT.
Now? There is no fear and, really, you all know there isn’t much you can do to stop us. Every time we hear “it is not if but when you get hacked”, we LOVE IT.
So why change things?
FINE. Perhaps some small percentage of you are being MILDLY discomforted by new laws and personal accountability but REALLY is that sufficient reason to change things?
OK, OK. There are some incredibly ANNOYING companies like these Bear people, that could actually stop us in our tracks and, yes, we really have no hope of overcoming their technology…YET
But do you want to take that chance?
Look, Artificial Intelligence is JUST AROUND THE CORNER. When we have true AI then Bear has no chance…we think…
NO. DO NOT USE THESE GUYS! They will ruin EVERYTHING! In your “safe and secure” world, where is the fun? Where is the excitement and intrigue? It would be so BORING!
And – AI.
So keep on truckin’ the way you are and PLEASE do not actually protect yourself (or those stupid printers)
OR ELSE – A. I.